[Alexis P]

Yea, she generally took it well... But as always with everything I do, she has some doubts. Which she doesn't dare to tell me as she knows I will not take any disagreement or lack of faith with kindness. This is her problem and the reason why I have hard to speaking about my life with her and very rarely do as she never ever believes in me and doubts everything. She called my girlfriend today and told things she doesn't dare to say to me. Such as she is skeptical as she said she knows her 'son'. That I pick up new things and get excited fast and soon forget about them...(I call that moving on as I want to try everything, that's just me being me.) She also said that she wont show up in public around me if I'm wearing what I'm wearing. But then added that I've always been good looking, but now I'm becoming really pretty.

What a mess, but totally excepted. She has no option but to accept things, but her lack of faith and constant doubt makes me furious! On this she's the polar opposite of my father who has always been supportive and never doubts me as he treats me as an adult and not a stupid little kid like my mother does.

I hate the need to prove myself to her... But lets see, in couple of years she can't tell me apart from a cis woman from anything except my personality and perhaps my voice. I'll prove myself once again if I have to. No need to guess much where I've learned my confidence issues, perfectionism and whipping myself to achieve stuff from. And my fear of failure too.  

About them clothes, yea, I'm getting more as I can afford it. But I'll keep a lot of the more androgynous look for sure, metalheads are quite a like on this no matter the gender, but yea, cool new girly stuff coming in soon and I'm planning for more.

On jobs, one thing is for sure, I wont work much on the physical male dominated fields of work... Construction and janitorial stuff will go and I'll do something else for sure. Not because of the work itself which I mostly like, but for the environment, coworkers, bosses... The people there, they're usually highly conservative and at least the older ones will have zero idea how to deal with a transwoman and will likely think I'm some sort of a sissy or weak or incompetent. Which I could of course prove wrong by doing, but I think I'm better off working somewhere else. I've been thinking to try to see if there's something that has to do with music or theater or any culture stuff, that would be close to my liking in general and the attitudes in those circles are inherently better. Customer service, nope, that will happen when a paper dog successfully chases an asbestos cat through hell. But anyway, any job that has more welcoming attitude about different people, that's what I'm thinking about. Or perhaps I'll finally find something that I could do myself. Skills + internet could maybe make up something for me, but that's just wishful thinking for now.

Regardless of what your mother thinks or says you have a bright future full of possibilites Larissa. Of course it won't be easy finding a job during covid period but when this will be over there will be much more chances.
Also, in couple of years you will probably be on real HRT and that point the changes could be unimaginable compared to the current NBE program, you could really be another person! An entire new life for a complete new person after this bad period of lockdowns and such.
May i ask how your GF relationship has been during these last years, i apologize if this an uncomfortable question, but i am interested in knowing how does this lifechanging experience influence a relationship (never had one personally). Is she comfortable being with another woman? Or something is going to change in the relationship and you both know it?
Anyways best of luck with your future, and thank you for letting me in the BN Discord!