02-02-2021, 06:51 PM
(02-02-2021, 06:24 PM)diometres22 Wrote: We’ve all been there, and I’m at least happy to read and commiserate. It’s a shit time of year generally, and I think the universe has an extra shitty vibe its radiating to everyone ?
It goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway - feelings are just feelings. They’ll change. Try to be kind to yourself. It’ll improve and you’ll be farther along on your journey.
You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about change, and how overwhelming it can be. I think in the same way we need physical breaks from PM, we also need mental breaks from processing all these changes. Sometimes the newness is addictive, but that doesn’t always mean its mentally healthy just because it feels good. I personally have noticed this with clothes - wearing different things is super exciting, but also a bit exhausting. It’s been nice for a few days to just go back to wearing normal ‘guy’ clothes that i don’t have to think about. I’ve also had to tell myself it also doesn’t mean anything about my journey, or that I’m somehow having second thoughts. Just taking a bit of a mental vacation from all these new inputs, and giving my self a chance to settle and catch up.
Hang in there,
For me one big deal here is my work, +2 months same thing every single day, mainly plowing snow which in itself is good exercise, but its also deadly boring. nothing has changed since the winter started. And having a daily job is socially exhausting. I'm much more of an introvert these days, having to be social 8 hours each day wears me down and then on weekends I often have band stuff to deal with so no time to mentally recover. Add in all the confusion and overthinking it does to be on the way of becoming trans woman possibly... Its a mess.
I go back and forth with the clothes too and I know exactly what you mean. Ties in with work, I have to present as a guy there and wear the stuff we have to, there's no choice with this. If I'd go in as myself, that would be a social suicide. But then there's one thing which at the same time is annoying and comforting... The pants I wear at work are getting so awkward to wear its crazy, not only is my butt + thighs growing too big for them, but those are men's stuff which doesn't sit on me no matter what. And this annoyance seems to get worse with time. There's a big change in this since few months back and no matter how it annoys me, I like it at the same time as I know what this means.
