(02-02-2021, 05:36 PM)HelloDiDi Wrote: Some times I'm doing well, some times I'm not... Today is one of those shitty days when everything about me just feels horrible if I pay attention to anything. Its one of the sides of me that pm seems to completely cut off, the constant self doubt, comparing, overthinking the tiniest details to a point where everything just feels like shit and I want to go away, get the heck out from this madhouse of a planet. These 'off' weeks are just pain in the ass. I'm irritable and annoyed about everything. Its one of these days when all my efforts feel like nothing... I don't want to even go near a mirror.
Its still months away that I may take the hrt route, there's enough things to worry about right now and I want to end my job contract first, have some real time for myself and there's a lot I have to do somehow. So months of NBE still ahead.
I shouldn't be even posting right now, I try not to put all my bad days here. I wish I had some friend here to cry against... Ranting about stuff to my gf isn't really nice to her either and she knows too well how I am when things go sour. I guess its better to just try to forget about it, make some coffee and wish tomorrow to be better.
I completely understand what it feels like, i often feel like this, like there is no hope wherever i look or think off in present and in the future, i tend to fall in hard negativity... way too often lately.
Anyways, i don't want to make things worse and just wish you the best these days. Did you already contacted a specialist for talking about hrt or just taking some time for it? Because in some places even after talking with a therapist and being sure about it there is still a lot of time to wait after the first check up. Either way i'm sure you will do great, NBE is your friend and will help you now, we in this forum will also stay here for you. I understand the need for some time off, better to show our best sides. 
Looking forward for when you will feel better! <3